Online Dating

Update? Digital Dating “Too Good Not To Share” Nuggets


Yup, I’m back again.  Is crazy really defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

I did a double take when I saw this at the top of a still active dating site profile on OK Cupid: “UPDATE: I’m in a relationship now, so not looking for dating. But feel free to read on if you have an interest in my ramblings…”  Uh, boy.

 

If you’re interested in more digital dating debacles, click here.

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Oh, No He Didn’t! – more digital dating misfires


Those longer-term followers of my blog know that now and again I like to revisit the land of digital dating for some comic relief and sincere dismay.

Well, a friend of mine has been kind enough to share some more memorable – as hard as she might try to forget – online openers and closers…

We’ll start with a witty reference to Match.com’s compatibility score:

“I’m quite smitten with you.  Too bad we’re 54% enemies.”

I don’t think that got him very far.

The next one started with the subject line: “Interested?”

“Hi, You are pretty and intelligent but you have never been married.  Why?

I am nice.  I am looking for someone who loves me and calls me every day.”

She didn’t call.

And finally, this note from a suitor who had garnered himself an actual email exchange with my friend:

“Please excuse my tardy reply but I’m actually getting hernia surgery today. It’s not very serious and I should be in and out of the clinic in under 2 hours… A friend of mine got the same procedure done 6 weeks ago… and he suggests, as does the doctor, that I don’t do anything strenuous for 2 weeks so………see you in August maybe? cheers.”

What, she wondered, had he planned for their first date?

Another friend had her boyfriend of two months  break up with her via text message.  And while this may seem comedically cliche – a la the George Clooney film “Up in the Air,” or fictionally dumbfounding as in the famous “Sex in the City” sticky note breakup, she actually found it quite time efficient.  Does any of us really want to have that face-to-face breakup talk?

The Guy:  “… Here, I am reading and enjoying some time off.  Nothing happened today, which was very nice actually.  I’m trying to find a way to get more time into my life, and realize that I need this badly.  Be well and talk to you soon.  Thanks for understanding.”

My Friend:  “Wow.  Ok.  Did you just break up via text?”

The Guy:  “No but I think I need some time off.  I have realized that there are some large diff in our personalities, it is not out of malice or hate. But am figuring out the best way to resolve it.”

Uh, I think he just did.

 

If you’re interested in more digital dating stories, click here.



Tick Tock, Tick Tock. The Digital Clock.


Tick tock, tick tock. I’m back on the clock.

What does it mean when a man includes this in his dating profile:

“I’m tired of playing games.”

What does it mean? I’m going to ask…

I can’t help it, this blog writes itself:

Headline: “your best friend and lover”

Opening line: “My name is Mark. I’m a vivid camper and hiker.”

Our educational system has failed us.

I’m back online – more digital dating nuggets


Last night I reconnected with a classmate from college and his wife of three years. Where did they meet? Match.com. More and more often, I am meeting couples who met online. So…. I’m giving it ANOTHER shot. This works out in your benefit, because you get to share some of my favorite excerpts from the online dating ecosystem…

…Starting with this headline:

MY MATCH WOULD BE SOMEONE INTELEGENT ATHLETIC AND CONFIDENT

hmmmm… well I guess there’s something for ying and yang.

Chemistry.com tells me that “adventurous, risk taking men and women” – of which I am evidently one – “are not comfortable with public displays of affection.”


I cannot quite reconcile the relationship with those two items and welcome your suggestions! That said, I do find it quite interesting. This sheds light on the disconnect I often feel on first dates, when my counterpart expresses surprise that I would share personal information on a social website but demonstrates no reluctance to kiss me in public within three hours of meeting. My comfort levels are, as you may have guessed, the inverse. I had up until now attributed this mismatch to a difference between Gen X and Boomer – albeit young, which may be a factor as well.

I sent a “wink” to someone on Match.com that looked like he might be interesting. I admit that this is a very lazy attempt at online dating, but, hey, I was probably watching TV and eating at the time, so I had limited typing ability. In any case, the response below started out well, a few allusions to my profile, but devolved into a form letter. My dear suitor, (a) less is more; quit while you’re ahead, (b) don’t underestimate the value of spell check and (c) if you’re looking for a long term relationship, don’t refer to it as a “L.T.R.”

“I am so impressed I think John Bolton is propably the most knowlageble guy ( Or Gal ) when it comes to forign policy . I love tennis aswell and im sure if we ever played I would kick your butt . Im looking for a L.T.R a keeper a woman I wake up next to and think how lucky I am to have such a special lady in my life . A woman who loves to curl up together on the couch for a movie or a show , but loves to be active in all ways . A woman who loves to dress up in something sexy takes my hand and we hit the town , or just stay home in sweats and a tee shareing a pizza and some wine over a great conversation . A woman who enjoys a good physical relationship , im not looking for a buddy never the less friendship is probably the most important part of any L.T.R . A woman who loves children and knows all is right with the world as were lieing in bed between our children as i read them a bedtime story . I always thought a woman like that must be special , what do you think ?”

With All Due Respect…


With all due respect and in my humble opinion, this is something I would advise against including in a dating profile:

“…I love making out, have a passion for running, cooking, baking & movies.”

It seems to me that a person should “love” making out with a particular person, not as a independent concept – with all due respect.

Somehow, however this works:

“…I like sex, pizza with real olives, dogs, enough money for a good coffee, accordions, handmade things, good art, bad art that is better than good art, books…”

Women are desperate for men with a sense of humor – that and a good golden parachute.

I must say, I really like turn of phrase at the end of this self-description:

“I am bright, creative, grounded and realistically idealistic.”

On the other hand, when a 55 year old man (seeking a woman 35-50) uses the pseudoynm “YoungAtHeart,” it doesn’t make him seem youthful – in my humble opinion.

It seems that there are some men who feel that there are some women who have misled them through their online dating profiles:

“So I’ve been on a few dates with women that say they are petite… Being 5’2″ or under doesn’t constitute petite. Then there are the athletic/lean/fit types. Again…ladies….that means present not 10 yrs ago. And speaking of 10 yrs ago….even if you look younger than you appear… please use today’s age not the one represented in your old picture. Now please understand, I’m not perfect nor do I represent perfection…however… what you see is what you get….visually and on paper.”

Hmmmm… I wonder what kind of success he’s having with that siren’s song?

Are these sites spreading love or fueling the jadedness of the local NYC population? Have these online personas become their own bad will ambassadors?

In my case, I seem to benefit from this mass misrepresentation as the men I meet in person profess stunned amazement that I resemble my photos and physical description. One wonders but must be optimistic in the face of such sad, sad tales. On the other side, there are the increasing number of happy couples who are rumored to have met online. Are they the exception or the possibiity?

Really??? – tidbits from the digital dating ecosystem


A few more tidbits from the digital dating ecosystem:

Ok, gentleman, humility and even self-effacement can be nice, but I advise leading with something stronger than this:

“If you’re a single woman who wants to have children and isn’t looking for the perfect guy, I may be exactly what you need!”

And this – an e-mail received by a colleague of mine – is not a good tactic – though it is a good example of a phenomenon in which people feel comfortable writing something in an e-mail that they would not say in person (or so I hope):

“Greetings – So – how goes it? It’s me… the tall, slim gentleman who was blatantly hitting on you yesterday evening as we both exited Cafe Luxembourg. Yes, I thought you looked quite sexy and enticing in your hat and halter top (or was that a kind of semi-halter top?) Anyway, your face, your hat, and your boobs all looked quite appealing (ha ha ha). I hope to God you’ve got a sense of humor.

At any rate, I certainly enjoyed our brief flutter of conversation, and, speaking for myself at least, I’m sure I would enjoy making acquaintance with your face, your hat, and your…um…halter top sometime soon. Coffee at a coffee shop that appeals to you perhaps? Un verre du vin rouge over at Luxembourg perhaps? Whatever suits your fancy – and I look forward to hearing more about [your job]. Please feel free to e-mail me at the above Columbia University address, or, better yet, feel free to ring me…. Many thanks for being relaxed and, perhaps, receptive et cetera…”

*As a minor point, my colleague was wearing a plain old tank top – no halter involved.