Well, a friend of mine has been kind enough to share some more memorable – as hard as she might try to forget – online openers and closers…
We’ll start with a witty reference to Match.com’s compatibility score:
“I’m quite smitten with you. Too bad we’re 54% enemies.”
I don’t think that got him very far.
The next one started with the subject line: “Interested?”
“Hi, You are pretty and intelligent but you have never been married. Why?
I am nice. I am looking for someone who loves me and calls me every day.”
She didn’t call.
And finally, this note from a suitor who had garnered himself an actual email exchange with my friend:
“Please excuse my tardy reply but I’m actually getting hernia surgery today. It’s not very serious and I should be in and out of the clinic in under 2 hours… A friend of mine got the same procedure done 6 weeks ago… and he suggests, as does the doctor, that I don’t do anything strenuous for 2 weeks so………see you in August maybe? cheers.”
What, she wondered, had he planned for their first date?
Another friend had her boyfriend of two months break up with her via text message. And while this may seem comedically cliche – a la the George Clooney film “Up in the Air,” or fictionally dumbfounding as in the famous “Sex in the City” sticky note breakup, she actually found it quite time efficient. Does any of us really want to have that face-to-face breakup talk?
The Guy: “… Here, I am reading and enjoying some time off. Nothing happened today, which was very nice actually. I’m trying to find a way to get more time into my life, and realize that I need this badly. Be well and talk to you soon. Thanks for understanding.”
My Friend: “Wow. Ok. Did you just break up via text?”
The Guy: “No but I think I need some time off. I have realized that there are some large diff in our personalities, it is not out of malice or hate. But am figuring out the best way to resolve it.”
Uh, I think he just did.
If you’re interested in more digital dating stories, click here.